Dear Inconsiderate People at Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, and Subway

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Dear Person-In-Front-Of-Me Ordering-7-Espresso-Drinks At-Starbucks and/or 8-Footlong-Sandwiches-At-Subway:

Oh how I loathe seeing you standing in front of me, trying to look inconspicuous while clutching that little piece of yellow scribbled-on paper to your chest. But I’m onto you. I know better. That’s not your grocery list. It’s tangible proof that you’re about to make my life a living hell.

And you know it too, as you bark your orders for Jake and Jan and Trevor and Tracy, and then turn to shrug your shoulders and smirk at everyone behind you in line… all the while, sentiments of “Please don’t form a mob and kill me” oozing from your posture and your eyes.

I have a strange mix of feeling for you, person in front of me ordering enough food and beverages to sustain a small country in Africa for several weeks. On the one hand, I pity you. Only the lowest schmuck on the office totum poll acts as the lackey. You have to continually do the shit no one else wants to do. People take advantage of you. And more likely than not, no one respects you or trusts you to do anything other than a menial task. For whatever reason, you’re desperate and/or foolish enough to just suck it up and take everyone’s abuse. That must suck.

On the other hand, I HATE YOU, person in front of me ordering the food and beverage equivalent of Oprah’s ego. People have lunch hours. People have 15-minute break times. People have schedules. You’ve just ruined all of that because you couldn’t say “no.” True, I’m impatient as it is… but I hate you even more because you just took away 15-20 perfectly good minutes of my life that I will never get back. And wake up, you’re not doing a favor for friends, you’re being USED. And you know you’re never going to get all your money back, either.

Dear person leaving Starbucks with 4 coffee drink trays stacked in your arms, using your chin to press down on the hot beverages for balance whilst trying to open the door to your car, grow a backbone. Tell Jasmine and Sara and Peter and Paul and Mary to go get their own fucking venti frappuccinos.

And while I’m on this topic, dear person in front of me at the Dunkin Donuts drive thru, ordering 4+ toasted bagels and 5+ custom coffees… YOU ARE AN EVEN BIGGER ASSHOLE. How about you, oh I don’t know, park your car, and walk your fat ass into the store to place your gargantuan order, you self important prick?

Thank you,
Jill

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Filed under annoying people, businesses, restaurants

Tags: drive-thru, dunkin donuts, hate, inconsiderate, people, restaurants, starbucks, subway